So she learned how tie her own sketchers shoes. One more step to her not needing me for the little thing. Don’t get me wrong I am happy but it is bitter sweet. She is my baby. I look back I missed a lot even though I was here for most of it.
When my son was born I went back to work. I breast fed him and pumped 3 times a day because of the guilt of being a working mother and not being there for him. (of course also the health reason) But it was because I want to be providing for him what others could not. When he started solid food I made his own babyfood.. mainly because of the need to be there for him.
I was in Boston on a business trip, when he walked for the 1st time to my husband in Florida. I spend a month before his 3nd birthday in Korea. I missed a lot with my son. It was hard to know that my husband was doing a lot for our son. But that is the way the cookie crumbed. I always thought I would like to stay home. The truth is I need to work and earn and contribute (I also have to). This is a concept that is difficult for others understand. But it is my reality and no judgment to others who have chosen a different path.
It is truly a tripled edge sword. I have spoke to others career women moms. It is a struggle because they love what they do ..but they are angry because of missing out and also having to be the provider. You start to feel like a trapped rat.
I changed my life to be home, then unsettled I started my own superhero cape business. Because of my need to build I grew my business. I was not suppose to really grow till my daughter was 5 .. best laid plans. I took off when she was 3. Even though I am working in my house- I work all the time. I have missed it.. and I was there. The day came, I had to put her in daycare to work at home.
I feel superexhausted a lot. My husband lost his job 1 ½ year ago so he works with me on Babypop. I do loving him around because he gets to see and help in my everyday. But again I am same position I have been struggling and juggling . We have a difference mothering experience than that of our mothers. It is hard for us to related to traditional roles, we longing for a simpler life but want our own world. There is that sword again… Sometimes it sucks.
But today I saw her tie her own shoes.
As a parent you can only do what you feel is best at that particular time. Looking back you can’t change anything so dwelling on it isn’t worth getting upset over. You can evaluate things you have done and decide how to make things work better for you in the future. I happened to be home with my children full time when they were young. I still feel as if I missed out on a lot of things just due to the situation we were in at the time. I know that if my now Hubby & I were able to acquire a child in the future {we would need to adopt} that I would do many things different. That doesn’t change how I did things the first time around, I did the best I could with what I had to work with. Knowing they are loved is the most important thing to your children.
I know my children think they are loved and I love being there. I am not so much upset as just accepting my reality and reflecting. What over is over.. I love the fact that I get to see the little things and today was a good day.